I am thinking of selling my car. It is a family car but I only ever use the front seat. It uses a bit too much gas for my liking and is hard on my bank account. Yet I can not bring myself to sell it. I tell myself it is just a car. An inanimate object that is costly. Yet the thought of selling it makes me hesitate.
I remember using it for escape. As long as I had my car I could always go somewhere else. I cried in this vehicle many times. I remember after one peticular sermon, (preached by our elder, Mr) driving a block and sobbing heart wrenching sobs. That sermon changed my life. This car was with me throughout the worst time in my life, it was my security blanket. As long as I had the car I could go anywhere and it was always there for me.
I have spent countless hours just driving. I love to drive and it seems to fix many ailments in my life. Driving while listening to music is even better. I fought for that car through out the divorce. If I got nothing but that car I was happy. I really did not deserve the car but I got it.
It is also the cause of many problems in my marriage. After Thomas told me I was too expensive to move with him to Saskatoon, he came home one day and paid the whole thing off. And then he bought mags for it. That hurt. He could spend $2000 to make a car beautiful, but he could not bring me with him because he could not bear the financial sacrifice it took to stay together.
So this inanimate object shared many moments in these tumultuous 2 years. No wonder I do not want to part with it. It represents a marriage, a breakup, a sacrifice, sorrow, joy, peace and tears. It is my crying sanctuary.
But God has said that the things of this world will rust and pass away. My car is starting to rust and soon it will pass away. But I still want to keep it. The good news is that God will still be there, car or no car, and I can never sell him.
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2 comments:
It has always been so helpful for me to represent a changed heart through physical things. Such as changing everything around in your home, letting go of something dear and replacing it with something unfirmiliar, or changing all my clothes. This is why I dye my hair so much! For me, it's an outward display of where I'm at in life, always changing, always growing. I encourage you to take a step of faith and let go. I know it's so hard to let go of dear friends, friends that we've spent countless time with, and countless emotions. But we need to remember that God will provide us with all that we need to walk in godliness, and He will bless you with another friend. We also need to remember that sometimes God doesn't care about the same things we do to the same extent. He cares about your heart and character, not your mode of transportation. Would that heart and character be shaken if you took away the security of your friendly car? As much as the enemy might be trying to tell you that it would, I believe you will stand firm. You are a strong mighty woman of God!
Wow.
Not only are you very real but you are a very good writer. like very good!! you should pursue this, if you aren't or haven't already.
bless u
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