Well, I have moved home. I got met with the spirit of criticism at the door and seem to be spending most of my time in my room trying to be invisible. I am a little bit afraid to cook myself supper. I might do something wrong. If this keeps up I might drop down another 5 pounds. New wardrobe for me!
It is not like I am trying to forget to put the cover down on the garage door opener, or purposely not closing the shower curtian the whole way. I just do not care about little things like that. I try really hard but the morning list of things to remember is so long I can't do it all in one morning. All I am concerned about is making sure the door is locked and that I get to work on time.
I did speak to the roomie. I was told I am just being sensitive. I also asked if she was happy to see me back. The answer was "not really". That one still has some sting in it.
I want to tell her all the cool things God was doing in my life, but not anymore. I want to join her bible study but not anymore. The desire to be her friend has completely died. I wanted to tell her that God handed me money so now I know I am walking in Gods will. I wanted to tell her how he totally blessed me and loves me. I am afraid that if I do that I will get slammed and criticised for something.
So now I am just lying low, spending lots of time in my room, trying to avoid the controling voice of criticism that I live with. I think I am a lot more sensitive to it now. One month with no one saying that you suck, kinda makes you sensitive to it when you do step into it.
So is God trying to teach me something in this situation? Am I just not submitting well? or is it time for me to move? is it time for me to stand up for myself? If I do stand up for myself, she owns the house and can ask me to leave. (Actually that would solve the whole moving decision wouldn't it).
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3 comments:
It would be extremely hard to live with someone who is as particular as your roomie. You have done a fine job thus far, walking in respect and honor, I'm impressed, and am not sure I could've lasted as long as you have. You can be sure that God is in fact trying to teach you something, because He always is, as to what that is, I have no idea. But I know that He will give you a peace as to what direction you should be walking in if you dilligently seek His wisdom and guidance in this situation. God always grow us that most through people who frustrate us and critisize us. People who we don't understand, and people who rub us that wrong way, it's through them that God produces that godly character He desires us to have. Without even knowing it, your roomie has probably caused a lot more growth in your life and walk with God than you realize. So even in those times where you have nothing nice to think about her, and nothing nice to say, you can definately be thankful for all that God has done through her, to bring you to the place you are today :)
Blessings!
The problem with wounded is people is that they often act like wounded people.
She NEEDS to be in control to feel secure, you on the other hand do not seem to need that anymore, if you ever did.
There isn't anyone sleeping in that bed...if you need to get away and NOT hide for a little while, you're welcome to it. Though we may not be controlling enough around here, I don't know!
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