I went into church on Sunday expecting amazing things. I left getting exactly what I needed in a way that I was not expecting.
The worship was good, just a good time praising God. Then came the sermon. It too was good. I was having trouble paying attention to it though. So I started talking to God and asked him to help me focus and get the just of what he was saying. I still am not sure what the point he was making was, but I did get something.
We Christians are to live an abundant life. We are not to sit cowering in our little corners afraid of God and his law. We are to step out and seize the opportunities that God sets in our laps. He gives us gifts that we never unwrap. How many times have we sat listening to someone going, " I can never be like that" or " That person knows God intimately, how come I can't" or that person is so spiritual, I can never get to that level". As it was all sinking in, this depression that has been riding on my shoulders was pressing down on me. All I could think was, " How can I walk this abundant life with this weight slowing me down."
So I went up to the front to remove the depression with a little help from my pastor and God. As he prayed over me he told me that this depression was me mourning. Since I am not a crier this was my mind expressing grief ( my thoughts). And that God had been letting me be depressed so that wounds would heal. All of a sudden the pressure came off. There was a very good reason to be depressed. It was not some bad spirit, like someone had once told me or some chemical thing. I was just sad. I had just walked through a divorce and I was sad. Who wouldn't be? I was trying to make myself happy because I thought that, this is how I should be. But I needed to be sad.
And then it was lifted. Our pastor said it was a present from God. Merry Christmas to me! I got the one present the I needed. I can for the first time in a long time be genuinely happy. It is not forced, it is not fake, it is not because of a sugar high or because other people are making me happy. I am happy and content, all by myself for long periods of time.
And the songs came back. I used to always have a worship song in my head., then they disappeared And now ithay are back. I sure missed those songs.
So now that I am carrying less baggage I am going to start walking a little quicker, with more bounce in my step. That abundant life is going to be mine. I am not going to be looking at other people wishing I had what they had. I am going to to be one of those people!
5 comments:
I am the same way with grief. I do not let it out with many tears. It does tear me up inside and press down on me. I do not do grief well. I rejoice with you that you and God found a way to get through that. I felt the Holy Spirit tapping me on the shoulder to go forward last Sunday but stopped short, I should of went. I applaud you for your courage to do so. -Moose
PRAISE THE LORD !!!!!
GOD IS SOOO GOOD.... isn't HE !!!
LOVE YOU
~amy
My friend!
I too struggle with comparing myself. “That person is way more spiritual than me…I can never be like that, why do I even have in common with so-and-so?” But lately God has been speaking to me saying “Instead of comparing and resenting others, why don’t you admire them and pray for them? Stand up for them, because they are godly people! Be proud of them! Don’t strive to become like them, but strive to become like Me.” That was huge for me. Because I am very hard on myself!
So anyways, praise God that your sadness is being lifted. God is so good. I am so glad for you. You are a blessing to have in the body.
There is a season for everything under the sun.
God said 'everything', that included times of greiving, sadness, as well as joy and rejoicing. An old thing has died, it's totally healthy to have a need to mourn it's death. But be encouraged to know that a time of rejoicing is coming soon! Because new things are to come!
I can't help but think of the title "when wallflowers dance" when reading this post. Ever since I saw that, and everytime I see it now, I think of you. I have no idea what that book is even about, or if it's even good, but I know that title in itself is for you. So be excited! You're going to be dancing circles around these old things of the past, and busting some new moves!!!
Love you so much! So glad to know you and call you my sister and friend. You rock! And have grown so much!
Blessings :)
Reading that you were depressed because you were sad was very refreshing. I am glad it wasn't some big spiritual thing this means that we are all allowed to be sad. I love you!
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